I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
