I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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