I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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