we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
