Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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