Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
