so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
