My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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