Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
