We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
