I hate your face
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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