dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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