I think I just saw someone hide a body.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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