Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
