who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
