So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
