She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think people are normalizing furries
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
