when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
