so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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