You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
