I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
