Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
