this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
