Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
