Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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