I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
