I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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