have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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