he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
