Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
