3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
