So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
