just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
