That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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