I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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