Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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