On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
