dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
they're like a gay fantastic four
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
