Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
