you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
