That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
