I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
