I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
