ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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