she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
