bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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