Having a random hookup so left but love u
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
