I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
