Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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