Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
