I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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