So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
